highlighting silence...

It's almost impossible to describe all the gifts that I receive when I go on silent retreat. I do these twice a year and they are basically 4 - 5 days of self-directed Silence. Silence. Not necessarily quiet. Although beautifully located, the retreat house remains on a secondary highway and shares the waterway (Madawaska River) with several nearby homes and cottages. The Silence, therefore, is what I attempt to bring to the experience. Never an easy task, but always a worthwhile one! I'll borrow a page from my sister's blog and share with you some of the highlights of my most recent retreat.

• Going out for a long run on Sunday morning along a dirt road and not encountering a car for an entire 30 minutes. At one point, I heard a rustle in the clearing and saw a flash of white tail. Finally! I had been seeing prints all weekend... As I stopped, so did the deer. We just stood there, looking at each other. That's when I brought my hands in prayer to my heart centre, bowed my head towards her: Namaste. I have nothing but Love for you, Deer. We stared a bit longer, then I turned away and continued my run. Only then did she jump into the forest. Bliss. Pure moment of bliss.


• The food. The food. The food. I am so very well taken care of at Stillpoint. The cooks pay more attention to my special dietary needs then I do on many days! Phoebe had been experimenting with "sourdough pita" at home and looked forward to sharing it with me. It didn't quite puff up as much as she wanted, but it was delish nonetheless. And those tiny herb biscuits? Please!! Every plate of fruit I received was graced with a sprig of mint and tiny flowers - as always, food that is as enjoyable to look at as it is to eat!


• Gaining new clarity regarding my chose spiritual path... i am enough... My path asks nothing new of me - no new skills, or knowledge, or training, or abilities, or anything! I have everything I need to continue living a life of sane and happy usefulness. In fact, I tend to carry too much and need to let go. My path is one of subtraction, not addition.


• The loons! Is there anything more soul-stirringly Canadian than the cry of the lone loon echoing across the water?? (Don't you dare suggest this! :-)) Every evening, I slept with my window wide open so that I could hear the cry of the loons. What began with a single, mournful wail would often be followed up by a veritable toolooloo-ing chorus coming from all directions... a harmonious cacophony that had me smiling in my sleep.

All this, and so much more in four short days. Anyone who believes Silence is an exercise in deprivation has been sorely mislead.

-simply jag

the eyes have it...

Today is the day I see the world anew.
Literally.

I'm scheduled to undergo corrective laser eye surgery this afternoon. After 35 years of wearing glasses, this represents a BIG change in my life. I am excited... and scared... and apprehensive... and giddy... all that, and more. Unless you've lived a life of blurr and have depended on an external accessory to function in the world, I'm not sure you can fully understand. And that's OK. I've never even worn contact lenses. Not a once. The very idea of sticking my finger in my eye on a daily basis just never appealed to me. Go figure.

As I allow myself to imagine life without glasses, I feel compelled to honour the role they have played. In fact, I kinda wish I had kept them all, as a "this-is-your-life-in-glasses" type thing... then I could hold a thank you & farewell celebration for them ALL!

Ah, glasses... you were:
resented as a child
in the way as a teenager
appreciated and accessorized as an adult
always, and always, miraculous.

As I get closer to the moment of clear, un-aided, eyesight, I offer you a heartfelt "see you later" and a few glimpses into "this-was-my-life-in-glasses".

My first year with glasses - 9 yrs old

Same frame, cooler confidence... 12 yrs

Ahh yesss, the 1980's... high school grad pic

Late 1980's, when lens makers must have charged by surface area... University grad pic

Skipping the wide variety of round, metal frames (mostly due to lack of e-photos) and getting to the uber-chic stage

Who would think that a piece of plastic, distorted to the perfect degree, could become such a part of me, helping to shape my identity? Who will I be without glasses?! I'm trusting that I will continue to be...

-simply jag

up to the challenge...?

Just for today, I dare you...

-simply jag

journey to the Pure Land...

No human, nor any living thing, survives long under the eternal sky. The most beautiful women, the most learned men, even Mohammed, who heard Allah's own voice, all did wither and die.

All is temporary.

The sky outlives everything.

Even suffering.

- Bowa Johar, Balti poet (form Three Cups of Tea, by Mortenson & Relin)

Last week, I shared about a teacher's final gift. The next day, Janet was gone from this earth. Today, friends & family gathered to share our memories and celebrate her life. She truly was a mountain of a woman and her spiritual generosity knew no bounds.

Her memorial service reflected her Buddhist faith and it was both moving and healing. I feel blessed to have been a part of it.

- simply jag

in love with lent...

We use the single word "faith" to cover a vast range of human experiences. Faith is, fundamentally, the experience of our being grounded in God, rooted in him with absolute sureness and with a confidence that is always deepening because the depths of God can never be measured. This is the experience of prayer.

It is falling into the depths of love with complete trust, with a complete "letting go".

- John Main OSB, Monastery Without Walls

I've said it before, here, here and again here. I love Lent! I really, really do... And although I don't go to church, Lent continues to be a cherished time of the year for me.

Its timing is perfect, and probably not coincidental. (I don't believe in coincidences anyway.) Committing to this 40-day period of reflection and connection prepares us to be "born anew", to come alive with a renewed confidence that, just as the Earth is preparing to explode with the unstoppable force of spring, we too are ripe and ready to emerge from whatever restraints we have become all-too-comfortable with. The Easter story becomes relevant to us today because it reminds us of our limitless potential for growth & transformation.

The cool thing is, when we become rooted in something greater than ourselves, a something I call "God", we don't need to force growth & transformation. In fact, we don't need to "do" anything. It is there, waiting for us on the wings of our next exhale. All we need is to get out of our own way, or as John Main says so well, to let go and to allow ourselves to fall into the depths of love with God.

For this season of Lent, my hope is that I may be able to do just that.

Happy Lent!

-simply jag

read any good books lately...?

A couple of weeks ago, I was inspired by a Facebook friend to post an informal "poll" on FB as a fundraising effort for Haiti. I would donate 1$ for each comment sharing a favourite book. Not only was I able to donate a few dollars for Haiti Relief, but I ended up with a pretty neat list of books! And then I thought... why not?!

And so, in no particular order, I hereby present to you, my...

READING LIST 2010

1. But Not the Hippopotamus - Sandra Boynton
2. On the Road - Jack Kerouac
3. There's Nothing Wrong with You - Cheri Huber
4. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
5. Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth Gilbert
6. The Notebook - Nicholas Sparks
7. Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
8. The Soul of a Tree - George Nakashima
9. A New Earth - Eckhart Tolle
10. "Otherland" series (Books 1, 2, 3 & 4) - Tad Williams
11. I Knew You Could - Craig Dorfman
12. Three Cups of Tea - Greg Mortenson & David Oliver Relin
13. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
14. Into Thin Air - Jon Krakauer
15. Haiku Year - Gilroy, Grace, McKay, Martin, Phillips, Roth & Stipe
16. The Boat Who Wouldn't Float - Farley Mowat
17. Come, Thou Tortoise - Jessica Grant
18. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
19. When All You Have is Hope - Frank O'Dea

I had already read a few of these, so I'll focus on the ones that are new to me. Certainly a mix of genres - could be interesting! Thanks friends...

As I finish reading a book, I'll change the colour of the text to pink. As you can see, I've already finished one (Three Cups of Tea)... and what a great book it was! I highly recommend it... On to the next one!

-simply jag

a teacher's final gift...

I looked grace in the eye today.
I looked wisdom in the eye today.
I looked impermanence in the eye today.
I looked love in the eye today.

And although that eye was her only way of communicating, those are the messages I received.

I had the blessing of sitting silently with a friend today.
She is in an end-of-life care facility... in the final stages of her cancer journey.
She has easily had three lifetimes worth of struggles in this one short life, and she has worn them with dignity.

I was nervous about going to see her.
I knew it was to say good-bye ...and thank you.
I was so nervous, I even Googled "what to say to a person who is dying".
(Yes, I actually did that!)
I was reminded that I didn't need to say much.
I could let my presence speak.
I could let my love speak.

As it turned out, that was all I needed.
She is beyond speech now.
Except for that one eye.

My nervousness soon dissipated and I felt...
humbled
by the experience
by her presence
by the gift.

She has been a teacher to me...
a companion on the journey of recovery and discovery
and even in these final days,
probably without even knowing it,
she gives.

Thank you, my friend.
Peace to you..

- simply jag