protesting perfection...

My name is jag.
I'm a recovering perfectionist.

Seeking perfection has often served me well... however, more often than not, it has robbed me of experience. The true, messy, growth-full kind of experience that allows us to find joy, and satisfaction, and disappointment, and pain, and authenticity.

I have prided myself on being good at what I do. There's nothing inherently wrong with that... however, I have often avoided engaging in things that I didn't think I'd be good at. Things like dancing, or golf, or painting, or roller-blading, or karaoke. I'd try it once, maybe twice. It didn't come naturally, so I'd stop... I'd walk away convincing myself that I didn't really like it anyway.

I'm loving being in my 40s because I've finally decided that perfection is highly overrated. It's simply unattainable and is not mine to behold. I am fully embracing my beautiful imperfection. This is why I've decided to join The Perfect Protest!

If you feel like saying ENOUGH ALREADY!, why don't you join in the protest too? Stand up to the unrealistic expectations imposed by society, others and - most importantly - ourselves.

I'm not perfect, but I am excellent!

Join in the protest - let your imperfection and true-ness shine...

-simply jag

august break no. 15

celebrating my heritage

l'acadie dans mon coeur

toujours

- simply jag

august break no. 3

wear. your. joy.

- simply jag

the eyes have it...

Today is the day I see the world anew.
Literally.

I'm scheduled to undergo corrective laser eye surgery this afternoon. After 35 years of wearing glasses, this represents a BIG change in my life. I am excited... and scared... and apprehensive... and giddy... all that, and more. Unless you've lived a life of blurr and have depended on an external accessory to function in the world, I'm not sure you can fully understand. And that's OK. I've never even worn contact lenses. Not a once. The very idea of sticking my finger in my eye on a daily basis just never appealed to me. Go figure.

As I allow myself to imagine life without glasses, I feel compelled to honour the role they have played. In fact, I kinda wish I had kept them all, as a "this-is-your-life-in-glasses" type thing... then I could hold a thank you & farewell celebration for them ALL!

Ah, glasses... you were:
resented as a child
in the way as a teenager
appreciated and accessorized as an adult
always, and always, miraculous.

As I get closer to the moment of clear, un-aided, eyesight, I offer you a heartfelt "see you later" and a few glimpses into "this-was-my-life-in-glasses".

My first year with glasses - 9 yrs old

Same frame, cooler confidence... 12 yrs

Ahh yesss, the 1980's... high school grad pic

Late 1980's, when lens makers must have charged by surface area... University grad pic

Skipping the wide variety of round, metal frames (mostly due to lack of e-photos) and getting to the uber-chic stage

Who would think that a piece of plastic, distorted to the perfect degree, could become such a part of me, helping to shape my identity? Who will I be without glasses?! I'm trusting that I will continue to be...

-simply jag

in love with lent...

We use the single word "faith" to cover a vast range of human experiences. Faith is, fundamentally, the experience of our being grounded in God, rooted in him with absolute sureness and with a confidence that is always deepening because the depths of God can never be measured. This is the experience of prayer.

It is falling into the depths of love with complete trust, with a complete "letting go".

- John Main OSB, Monastery Without Walls

I've said it before, here, here and again here. I love Lent! I really, really do... And although I don't go to church, Lent continues to be a cherished time of the year for me.

Its timing is perfect, and probably not coincidental. (I don't believe in coincidences anyway.) Committing to this 40-day period of reflection and connection prepares us to be "born anew", to come alive with a renewed confidence that, just as the Earth is preparing to explode with the unstoppable force of spring, we too are ripe and ready to emerge from whatever restraints we have become all-too-comfortable with. The Easter story becomes relevant to us today because it reminds us of our limitless potential for growth & transformation.

The cool thing is, when we become rooted in something greater than ourselves, a something I call "God", we don't need to force growth & transformation. In fact, we don't need to "do" anything. It is there, waiting for us on the wings of our next exhale. All we need is to get out of our own way, or as John Main says so well, to let go and to allow ourselves to fall into the depths of love with God.

For this season of Lent, my hope is that I may be able to do just that.

Happy Lent!

-simply jag

i simply am...

I don't cook.

I am not athletic.

I don't finish what I start.

I am lazy.

I am not domestic.

I have worn all of these labels - and others - for much of my life. I have let them go... and picked them up again, only to release them some time later. They're never very far away. Too often, I have let them define me and determine how I walk in this world.

I have made progress in moving beyond these self-defeating definitions. Can I truly say "I don't cook" as I feast on a Sweet Potato & Black Bean Chili that I made from scratch? When I cross the finish line after running 21.1 km, am I still lazy... and non-athletic? And when I take money out of the ATM to pay for our housekeeper, am I... um, well... OK, let's face it. I am not domestic. :-)

I wear other labels too...

I am spiritual.

I am compassionate.

I am a good listener.

I am kind.

I am calm.

These labels seem more appropriate to wear, but they too can work against me. Some days, I am not kind... and I am not calm... and I am not compassionate. On those days, I judge myself harshly and become critical of not living up to the label. I pick up another label: I am a failure.

Just for today, I don't want to wear a label.
Just for today, I am here... I am now... I am enough.
Just for today, I am.

- simply jag

beautiful self...

I've been getting clear messages this past week, both from people who care, and from my own body: I need to s...l...o...w... d...o...w...n... I am juggling too many balls, all of them of my own choosing. I read something a while back that really resonated with me: "Some say that busyness is a form of laziness. Because you're too lazy to work out what not to do." (Michael Bungay Stanier) And so, I am in the process of making the difficult decisions about what NOT to do.

Last night, I chose NOT to go out to the theatre with a group of friends. My hacking cough would have been entirely inappropriate and exhausting. I stayed home and ended up playing with self-portrait! Dare I say it, I believe these shots are beautiful.

simply jag xox